My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
