Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
