You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
