And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
