there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you would pick up someone in the library
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
