Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just had sex on a roof
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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