i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
