He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
