Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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