I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
