I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
