I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
