I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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