The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
