all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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