There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
