moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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