FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
