the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
