Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
