Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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