I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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