i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
