The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I've blown a few things in my day
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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