He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
