either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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