He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
