Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
