Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
