so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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