I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
