My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
