i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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