I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
