My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
