Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
