We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
