All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
