i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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