Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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