I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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