dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
