I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
