Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
