i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
