tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
