Cold hands, warm shart.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Are we still banned from the library?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
So apparently I’m into choking now
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