that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
