Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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