we have officially lost it.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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