I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
