Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
